It is with the heaviest of hearts that I reopen this blog. Life has changed drastically for us as a family. Part of me wanted to lock this away, but another part has been nagging me to write the final story. The last story of us as a family of 5. Today is the 26th of June 2022. Since then, I first wanted to say Gemma "lost" her battle to diabetes. But, in fact, I actually believe she "won." She never has to endure any more pain on this earth and I am so grateful for COVID and the wonderful year it gave us to spend together as a family of 5. Gemma gained her angel wings on the 14th of March 2021.
On the 31st of December we embarked on a trip around Lesotho. A trip we had been wanting to do for ages and in true "Michael Style" - he organised it. I haven't reread the blogs, so I'm not sure if I ever mentioned that our little Candy Kitten fell pregnant and on the morning of the trip she gave birth to a litter of 4. We had arranged for Phoka (Malealea's barman) to stay in our house to look after the animals, and so he had the job of seeing to 4 extra.
I grew up in the south of Lesotho in a town called Mount Moroosi. We headed there on our first day. We stopped in at the house where I spent my first 4 years. It was a very nostalgic day for me exploring the old house - although run down, there were certain areas I remembered as clear as day. I remember it being a very happy time for my family. Weekends spent on the Senqu River (the name of the Orange River that runs through Lesotho), nearby rockpools overlooking the town. I remember learning to ride a bicycle on the concrete slab near the shop for the first time. We had a nursery school on the property. I spoke fluent Sesotho, so besides my blond hair that made me look different, I didn't feel different to any of my friends - my best friend at the time was Ntofela and we did everything together.
Anyway.... that's a whole story on it's own....
We drove up to the rockpools, and it takes a lot for me to get into water that's any cooler than bath water. For old times' sake, and because Gemma really begged, I got into the pools - only waist deep - but for me that's a big thing.
We visited the Bushmen paintings that look directly across to Mount Moroosi. The interesting thing about these paintings, is that there is a scene that depicts the battle between the Basotho and the British in the late 1800's. Later that afternoon, we climbed the mountain. On it you can still find schrapnel from the war.
Our first night - New Years Eve - we spent camping at the Mount Moroosi Chalets. Our friend Wesley, who lives in Quthing, joined us for the night. We were busy putting up the gazebo as he arrived. A gust of wind that literally blew for 1 minute was strong enough to crumple our gazebo. We made a plan to keep it up for the night but after that it was of no use to us anymore. The kids didn't bother trying to see the evening through - I can't remember what book I'd downloaded, but they listened to a bed time story. We managed to hang around the fire till about 10pm......AND that was how we said goodbye to 2020 - camping under the beautiful African Night Sky - all 5 of us, and our very good friend - for the very last Old Years Eve - together.
The following day we took a slow trip to Sehlabathebe National Park - following the same route Michael and I did at the end of 2003 - the start of our relationship. We drove the back route - with the intention of going via Lake Letsie. When we hit the tar road a few hours later we realised we'd managed to miss the turn off to the lake. I haven't travelled extensively, but I can almost be assured that the south of Lesotho is probably one of very few unspoilt places. There are times when you feel like you're on top of the world - the scenery is breathtaking. It is definitely still the road less travelled. It didn't matter so much that we had missed the lake.
The weather started to turn about 90km's from the park. By the time we arrived, it wasn't pouring rain any more but it was freezing and it was nearly dark. We opted to stay in the self catering units at the entrance to the park. The campsite close to the stunning rock arches a few kilometres from the entrance is extremely basic - just a piece of land near a stream, so it was a very wise idea to have a comfortable bed on a cold and rainy night. Thankfully it cleared the next day and we ventured off to the campsite. Michael and Gemma together made a plan to reconstruct the gazebo in such a way that it provided some shade - two ends tied to the car - the other two onto a contraption they made with what was left of the legs.
The beauty of Sehlabathebe is truly magical. We explored the nearby arches and rockpools for the rest of the day. The next morning (January 4th), was Bryce's birthday. We had told Bryce we didn't have any presents for him. Early that morning I felt terrible and raided the snack box to find some condensed milk and some unopened sweets. Luckily Thabo had loads of drawing paper, and with some duct tape - his gifts were sorted. Gemma had the same idea so between us we were able to present Bryce with a few yummy treats. I remembered we had packed some instant pudding. We made him an instant pudding cake decorated with marshmallows and animal shaped biscuits. Gemma made him crumpets on our paella pan. The best gift Bryce was to receive came later during the day.
There is a nearby waterfall that Michael and I had visited in 2003. We wanted to take the kids there. The sky was clear when we left. We followed what we thought was the path - possibly because of lockdown and the lack of visitors - it was very overgrown. About an hour and a half into our walk we saw a sign in the distance - the back of it was facing us. Up until that point I had been leading the way. Gemma and Bryce raced ahead of me to see who could reach the sign first and read what it said. Excitedly, in unison, they shouted that it was a sign showing the way to the waterfall. Bryce raced back to be the leader, much to Gemma's dismay. She pulled in behind me.
It wasn't 30 seconds later that Bryce stopped dead in his tracks and threw his arms out wide. He calmly stated "snake." Gemma and I both disobeyed the rule of 'standing still when you see a snake' squealed like stuck pigs and ran off in the opposite direction. Bryce calmly asked Michael for his sunglasses and camera and managed to get a video of what he identified as a banded Rhinkals for a few minutes before it slithered back into its' hole. We all put our complete trust in our newly turned 12 year old. Bryce was in his absolute element. The best birthday present ever.
After the rest of us - well mostly Gemma and I, had calmed down, we decided that the snake was in fact a warning to us that we should probably head back to camp. There was a slight change in weather, and also with everything being so overgrown - we didn't know what we had the potential of running into next.
About 15 minutes into our return home, the clouds starting growing darker, the path was even more hidden on the way back and we kept losing our way. We managed to get back to our tents just before the mist set in, the heavens literally opened and we were stuck inside for the rest of the day.
I remember having an overwhelming sensation that that snake was sent to Bryce as a gift from my Dad above. If I think back to how each little episode unfolded, that snake was a huge blessing to us all. Getting stuck in the Drakensberg in the mist can be deadly, and because of the snake and us turning back at that moment, I believe there was a much bigger picture.
Our next destination was to stay at Katse. Another long day in the car. Gemma had packed a few of her "Diary of A Wimpy Kid" books and she read them out loud to the boys. In between, Thabo's choice of music on that trip was Johnny Clegg and very fitting for this trip.
Mostly they got along quite well together on the back seat. There was one time the fighting got a bit intense and we dropped all 3 of them off on the side of the road. We drove about a kilometre up and waited at the top of a hill. The crying ended up in fits of laughter as they neared the car. It did, however, cure them all of fighting for a few hours. On the way to Katse, we picked up the best makoenyas or vetkoek (similar to a donut texture, in a ball like shape) at a painted pink store.
After a long day, we finally arrived at Katse only to find out that they were not open due to lockdown. Our hearts sank. We really didn't feel like putting up our tents. We decided to drive on and see if we could find somewhere else to stay. By this time it was dark and it was hard to appreciate the beauty of the dam we were following. I was getting agitated and was ready to just pull off on the side of the road and sleep in the car. We came across signs for a place to stay in a village called Ha Lejone. Michael remembered that there was a lodge similar to that of Katse in this area. Our spirits lifted when the security guard told us they were open. The kids jumped for joy in the backseat. The accommodation - not really in our budget, but much appreciated and enjoyed. It was a lovely (what was once an engineers home while the dam was being built) extremely comfortable home to us for the night.
Our final destination was Sani Pass. Again we left when the sky was blue. We initially tried to take the back road but the low-level river crossing over the Malibamatso River was flooded. We did spend some time pondering wether we should attempt it but realised it would have just been plain stupid to even try. Luckily we'd only traveled a few kilometres. By returning the same way, it meant we could stop at the 'pinkie' store again in Thaba Tseka and pick up some more makoenyas.
By midday it poured again and the tiny streams we crossed were turning into raging rivers. The rain had stopped by the time we reached Molumong Guest house. I really wanted to pop in there and show the family. There is a well known resident ghost. I had been witness to it a few years back. A friend of my dad's and I had driven to Sani Pass to collect him at the end of one his 18 day treks across Lesotho. A long story for another time but Andrew and I ended up getting lost - we missed the turn at Mokhotlong and drove straight into the middle of nowhere. My poor Dad, exhausted after 18 days of hiking, ended up waiting up for us to arrive which was eventually at 10pm.
Anyway... back to the ghost story. The following day, on the way back to Malealea my dad insisted that we stop over at Molumong for a cup of tea. We sat in the lounge of the guest house while we drank our tea and he told us some stories about the area. I remember being so impressed at how neat everything was, and especially how white the throws on the couches were. The three of us sat on a single sofa each and left the two seater couch open. I know that when we sat down that 2 seater couch was untouched. By the time we got up to leave, the throw had gathered together as if somebody had sat there and there was a R2 coin on the seat. Nobody else had sat there during the time we were there.
Nobody was really interested in meeting the ghost of Molumong, and we didn't want to arrive at Sani late in case of bad weather, so I was outvoted and we continued. On arrival at Sani Pass it was completely misted up. There was no view in sight. Again it was freezing, and again we couldn't think of anything worse than camping. The room was even more WAY out of our budget than the previous night, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
We managed to sneak in a picture of the view from the pub before the children woke up. A few minutes later the mist came in again and the view had disappeared. We stopped in at Afriski for a late breakfast. Gemma's favorite drink was white hot chocolate and seeing that on the menu, with no hesitation - that is what she ordered. The picture I took of her on that day is one of the pictures we printed just 2 months later for her memorial. It was symbolic to me because it was the last day of the last family road trip we would ever do together. I also wanted to share something that she loved with those that loved her, something so simple that when people drink it or see it they can think of her.
The story behind her love for white hot chocolate is this: Every time Gemma would go for an HBAIC blood test (every 3 months) - a blood test to see how well her diabetes was being controlled - because her veins were so small, what should be a one needle test often turned into many and by many I mean sometimes up to 15 times. It was always traumatic but she was always so brave. The coffee shop at the hospital served the best white hot chocolate and that is what she always chose as a treat afterwards. As much as I hated her having it, because it spiked her sugars, it was a reward. This was before she started using the insulin pump.
A few years later - whilst she was admitted to hospital for low sugars, the doctor trialled an insulin pump on her. He gave her full permission to go the coffee shop and have whatever she wanted on the menu as he wanted to see the effects of the pump. There's no need to guess as to what she ordered from the menu that day. From that day on, she took it as an "ok" from the doctor that she could have white hot chocolate any time she wanted - doctors orders.
We always had a box of the Woolworths sachets or tin in our house. She would only ever have one occasionally. It was more just the thought of knowing they were there for her.
We’re currently on a road trip through Namibia as a family of 4. We know Gemma is with us wherever we go, but there is a huge empty hole that will always exist. When Gemma was born, she was in the right hands at exactly the right time - her life could have ended within minutes, but she fought a huge battle every single day and shared 13 and a half years with us. She lived every moment fully and touched the lives of every single person she met. We left Malealea shortly after she passed - but her passing wasn’t the reason for leaving. We’ve moved twice since then and don’t really know where the road will lead us. The uncertainty of where our lives are heading is a continual distraction from the pain and the unfillable hole that currently is. Stopping brings about an intense, unbearable pain so for now, while we still can, it’s easiest to just keep moving………
On the 31st of December we embarked on a trip around Lesotho. A trip we had been wanting to do for ages and in true "Michael Style" - he organised it. I haven't reread the blogs, so I'm not sure if I ever mentioned that our little Candy Kitten fell pregnant and on the morning of the trip she gave birth to a litter of 4. We had arranged for Phoka (Malealea's barman) to stay in our house to look after the animals, and so he had the job of seeing to 4 extra.
I grew up in the south of Lesotho in a town called Mount Moroosi. We headed there on our first day. We stopped in at the house where I spent my first 4 years. It was a very nostalgic day for me exploring the old house - although run down, there were certain areas I remembered as clear as day. I remember it being a very happy time for my family. Weekends spent on the Senqu River (the name of the Orange River that runs through Lesotho), nearby rockpools overlooking the town. I remember learning to ride a bicycle on the concrete slab near the shop for the first time. We had a nursery school on the property. I spoke fluent Sesotho, so besides my blond hair that made me look different, I didn't feel different to any of my friends - my best friend at the time was Ntofela and we did everything together.
Anyway.... that's a whole story on it's own....
We drove up to the rockpools, and it takes a lot for me to get into water that's any cooler than bath water. For old times' sake, and because Gemma really begged, I got into the pools - only waist deep - but for me that's a big thing.
We visited the Bushmen paintings that look directly across to Mount Moroosi. The interesting thing about these paintings, is that there is a scene that depicts the battle between the Basotho and the British in the late 1800's. Later that afternoon, we climbed the mountain. On it you can still find schrapnel from the war.
Our first night - New Years Eve - we spent camping at the Mount Moroosi Chalets. Our friend Wesley, who lives in Quthing, joined us for the night. We were busy putting up the gazebo as he arrived. A gust of wind that literally blew for 1 minute was strong enough to crumple our gazebo. We made a plan to keep it up for the night but after that it was of no use to us anymore. The kids didn't bother trying to see the evening through - I can't remember what book I'd downloaded, but they listened to a bed time story. We managed to hang around the fire till about 10pm......AND that was how we said goodbye to 2020 - camping under the beautiful African Night Sky - all 5 of us, and our very good friend - for the very last Old Years Eve - together.
The following day we took a slow trip to Sehlabathebe National Park - following the same route Michael and I did at the end of 2003 - the start of our relationship. We drove the back route - with the intention of going via Lake Letsie. When we hit the tar road a few hours later we realised we'd managed to miss the turn off to the lake. I haven't travelled extensively, but I can almost be assured that the south of Lesotho is probably one of very few unspoilt places. There are times when you feel like you're on top of the world - the scenery is breathtaking. It is definitely still the road less travelled. It didn't matter so much that we had missed the lake.
The weather started to turn about 90km's from the park. By the time we arrived, it wasn't pouring rain any more but it was freezing and it was nearly dark. We opted to stay in the self catering units at the entrance to the park. The campsite close to the stunning rock arches a few kilometres from the entrance is extremely basic - just a piece of land near a stream, so it was a very wise idea to have a comfortable bed on a cold and rainy night. Thankfully it cleared the next day and we ventured off to the campsite. Michael and Gemma together made a plan to reconstruct the gazebo in such a way that it provided some shade - two ends tied to the car - the other two onto a contraption they made with what was left of the legs.
The beauty of Sehlabathebe is truly magical. We explored the nearby arches and rockpools for the rest of the day. The next morning (January 4th), was Bryce's birthday. We had told Bryce we didn't have any presents for him. Early that morning I felt terrible and raided the snack box to find some condensed milk and some unopened sweets. Luckily Thabo had loads of drawing paper, and with some duct tape - his gifts were sorted. Gemma had the same idea so between us we were able to present Bryce with a few yummy treats. I remembered we had packed some instant pudding. We made him an instant pudding cake decorated with marshmallows and animal shaped biscuits. Gemma made him crumpets on our paella pan. The best gift Bryce was to receive came later during the day.
There is a nearby waterfall that Michael and I had visited in 2003. We wanted to take the kids there. The sky was clear when we left. We followed what we thought was the path - possibly because of lockdown and the lack of visitors - it was very overgrown. About an hour and a half into our walk we saw a sign in the distance - the back of it was facing us. Up until that point I had been leading the way. Gemma and Bryce raced ahead of me to see who could reach the sign first and read what it said. Excitedly, in unison, they shouted that it was a sign showing the way to the waterfall. Bryce raced back to be the leader, much to Gemma's dismay. She pulled in behind me.
It wasn't 30 seconds later that Bryce stopped dead in his tracks and threw his arms out wide. He calmly stated "snake." Gemma and I both disobeyed the rule of 'standing still when you see a snake' squealed like stuck pigs and ran off in the opposite direction. Bryce calmly asked Michael for his sunglasses and camera and managed to get a video of what he identified as a banded Rhinkals for a few minutes before it slithered back into its' hole. We all put our complete trust in our newly turned 12 year old. Bryce was in his absolute element. The best birthday present ever.
After the rest of us - well mostly Gemma and I, had calmed down, we decided that the snake was in fact a warning to us that we should probably head back to camp. There was a slight change in weather, and also with everything being so overgrown - we didn't know what we had the potential of running into next.
About 15 minutes into our return home, the clouds starting growing darker, the path was even more hidden on the way back and we kept losing our way. We managed to get back to our tents just before the mist set in, the heavens literally opened and we were stuck inside for the rest of the day.
I remember having an overwhelming sensation that that snake was sent to Bryce as a gift from my Dad above. If I think back to how each little episode unfolded, that snake was a huge blessing to us all. Getting stuck in the Drakensberg in the mist can be deadly, and because of the snake and us turning back at that moment, I believe there was a much bigger picture.
Our next destination was to stay at Katse. Another long day in the car. Gemma had packed a few of her "Diary of A Wimpy Kid" books and she read them out loud to the boys. In between, Thabo's choice of music on that trip was Johnny Clegg and very fitting for this trip.
Mostly they got along quite well together on the back seat. There was one time the fighting got a bit intense and we dropped all 3 of them off on the side of the road. We drove about a kilometre up and waited at the top of a hill. The crying ended up in fits of laughter as they neared the car. It did, however, cure them all of fighting for a few hours. On the way to Katse, we picked up the best makoenyas or vetkoek (similar to a donut texture, in a ball like shape) at a painted pink store.
After a long day, we finally arrived at Katse only to find out that they were not open due to lockdown. Our hearts sank. We really didn't feel like putting up our tents. We decided to drive on and see if we could find somewhere else to stay. By this time it was dark and it was hard to appreciate the beauty of the dam we were following. I was getting agitated and was ready to just pull off on the side of the road and sleep in the car. We came across signs for a place to stay in a village called Ha Lejone. Michael remembered that there was a lodge similar to that of Katse in this area. Our spirits lifted when the security guard told us they were open. The kids jumped for joy in the backseat. The accommodation - not really in our budget, but much appreciated and enjoyed. It was a lovely (what was once an engineers home while the dam was being built) extremely comfortable home to us for the night.
Our final destination was Sani Pass. Again we left when the sky was blue. We initially tried to take the back road but the low-level river crossing over the Malibamatso River was flooded. We did spend some time pondering wether we should attempt it but realised it would have just been plain stupid to even try. Luckily we'd only traveled a few kilometres. By returning the same way, it meant we could stop at the 'pinkie' store again in Thaba Tseka and pick up some more makoenyas.
By midday it poured again and the tiny streams we crossed were turning into raging rivers. The rain had stopped by the time we reached Molumong Guest house. I really wanted to pop in there and show the family. There is a well known resident ghost. I had been witness to it a few years back. A friend of my dad's and I had driven to Sani Pass to collect him at the end of one his 18 day treks across Lesotho. A long story for another time but Andrew and I ended up getting lost - we missed the turn at Mokhotlong and drove straight into the middle of nowhere. My poor Dad, exhausted after 18 days of hiking, ended up waiting up for us to arrive which was eventually at 10pm.
Anyway... back to the ghost story. The following day, on the way back to Malealea my dad insisted that we stop over at Molumong for a cup of tea. We sat in the lounge of the guest house while we drank our tea and he told us some stories about the area. I remember being so impressed at how neat everything was, and especially how white the throws on the couches were. The three of us sat on a single sofa each and left the two seater couch open. I know that when we sat down that 2 seater couch was untouched. By the time we got up to leave, the throw had gathered together as if somebody had sat there and there was a R2 coin on the seat. Nobody else had sat there during the time we were there.
Nobody was really interested in meeting the ghost of Molumong, and we didn't want to arrive at Sani late in case of bad weather, so I was outvoted and we continued. On arrival at Sani Pass it was completely misted up. There was no view in sight. Again it was freezing, and again we couldn't think of anything worse than camping. The room was even more WAY out of our budget than the previous night, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
We managed to sneak in a picture of the view from the pub before the children woke up. A few minutes later the mist came in again and the view had disappeared. We stopped in at Afriski for a late breakfast. Gemma's favorite drink was white hot chocolate and seeing that on the menu, with no hesitation - that is what she ordered. The picture I took of her on that day is one of the pictures we printed just 2 months later for her memorial. It was symbolic to me because it was the last day of the last family road trip we would ever do together. I also wanted to share something that she loved with those that loved her, something so simple that when people drink it or see it they can think of her.
The story behind her love for white hot chocolate is this: Every time Gemma would go for an HBAIC blood test (every 3 months) - a blood test to see how well her diabetes was being controlled - because her veins were so small, what should be a one needle test often turned into many and by many I mean sometimes up to 15 times. It was always traumatic but she was always so brave. The coffee shop at the hospital served the best white hot chocolate and that is what she always chose as a treat afterwards. As much as I hated her having it, because it spiked her sugars, it was a reward. This was before she started using the insulin pump.
A few years later - whilst she was admitted to hospital for low sugars, the doctor trialled an insulin pump on her. He gave her full permission to go the coffee shop and have whatever she wanted on the menu as he wanted to see the effects of the pump. There's no need to guess as to what she ordered from the menu that day. From that day on, she took it as an "ok" from the doctor that she could have white hot chocolate any time she wanted - doctors orders.
We always had a box of the Woolworths sachets or tin in our house. She would only ever have one occasionally. It was more just the thought of knowing they were there for her.
We’re currently on a road trip through Namibia as a family of 4. We know Gemma is with us wherever we go, but there is a huge empty hole that will always exist. When Gemma was born, she was in the right hands at exactly the right time - her life could have ended within minutes, but she fought a huge battle every single day and shared 13 and a half years with us. She lived every moment fully and touched the lives of every single person she met. We left Malealea shortly after she passed - but her passing wasn’t the reason for leaving. We’ve moved twice since then and don’t really know where the road will lead us. The uncertainty of where our lives are heading is a continual distraction from the pain and the unfillable hole that currently is. Stopping brings about an intense, unbearable pain so for now, while we still can, it’s easiest to just keep moving………